Here I am in San Diego writing about events that are coming up in San Diego. Unfortunately I don’t write about drinking events otherwise I would be obligated to tell you about pub crawls and such similar to the one I was on on this past Saturday. I don’t really want to tell you about it or write about it much so I won’t. Did I mention that nearly every time I come home to San Diego the weather is kind of wonky. In a city that is supposed to be known for it’s incessant sunshine, whenever I’m here there is something amiss. Maybe it’s rain, maybe it’s wind or maybe it’s a fire nearby that fills the air with ash. Perhaps it’s a sign that San Diego suffers a little bit each and every time I come home.

I find it somewhat bizarre that in a city as big as San Diego the independent book stores are few and far between. I thought Los Angeles was lacking in this area but boy o boy San Diego is slacking. I know there are independent children’s book stores, a mystery book store and some university book stores but where the hell are the true individual book stores that offer me the friendly, good service I am seeking?

Yep, you got it, much like last week ain’t nothing going down in SD this week (that could I find).

I am running out of witty things to say to or about you Los Angeles. Although, I did just watch the movie Funny People and frankly it left a bit of a foul taste in my mouth for Los Angeles. Don’t worry, I still love you. At the end of the day i’m trying to find some time in my oh so busy schedule to come and visit your glorious city.

Because I’m feeling a little bit nostalgic I’ll tell you a little story about me and Los Angeles. When I was in highschool, my friends and I had low aspirations. Not your typical low aspirations though. What I’m talking about is the fact that we never really had the audacity to think that we could get into drinking establishments in the United States. What we wanted to do was drink in Tijuana, Mexico. Obviously, the drinking age there is lower and the rules are pretty lenient. Regardless, being young we thought it would be in our best interest to get fake id’s so that we could get into clubs like “Baby Rock” in TJ. Yes, rather than getting id’s that put us at the precious age of 21, we set our sights on 18. So, we filled the car and drove to LA. Rumor had it that if you went to MacArthur Park and Alvarado the signs would be clear of where to go to get what we wanted. Upon our arrival, we discovered it couldn’t have been any easier! The deal was done and we were scotch free to travel to and fro to Tijuana. Yeah, i’m not the greatest story teller, and that’s it.

Disclaimer: Do not attempt to replicate any of the actions of my friends and I. We were young and stupid (that’s actually arguable, maybe we were extremely smart). Also, I for the sake of the authorities I cannot confirm or deny that this story is true.

Here’s what you came for.

Saturday, December 5th
@ 11am
- Andrew Grant, photographer and author (I suppose) invites you and your dog to Book Soup for an open casting call for his next book of dog portraits. Is it obvious that I’m straining to find events. If you like dogs or have a dog, this would be a great opportunity to let your dog run around a book store. Dogs love books and I promise there are plenty of places in the store for the dog to do their business.

Apparently Skylight books has no events planned for December. I am assuming this a mistake in their calendaring skills so if they get the problem corrected I’ll let you know. Other than that, dogs are all I got for you this week.

I do believe this is the first time I’ve written this post away from San Francisco. It feels pretty strange. The strange factor though probably stems from the fact that I really despise the layout of apple’s keyboards (obviously using a mac to write this), is it just me or are they small? Maybe it’s me.

Furthermore, I can’t believe the year is almost over. When the year started, I was definitely feeling like “man, I hope this year zips by so I can be that much closer to my 30th birthday (sarcasm).” And now that, it’s almost 2010 it’s something more along the lines of “Sh*t, dam*, f***, the year is almost over already and I still don’t have any new years plans.” I’m not going to give you a rundown of my year so far cause that would be a little premature, there is still the whole month of December for things to get more interesting and I don’t want to jump the gun. I do think there will some good events this month, despite the fact that there were none last week. I’ll cross my fingers so long as one of you out there promises to go to at least one of the events I post in the next thirty days, deal? Great, here we go.

Wednesday, December 2nd
@ 6pm
- James Bradley, author, will be discussing and signing his latest book The Imperial Cruise at Marine’ Memorial Club and Hotel (put on by Books, Inc.). I suppose I should make it clear that Mr. Bradley is not exactly a type of author that I typically read but I know there are a lot of people out there who have enjoyed his previous works, Flags of Our Fathers and Flyboys. I did however see a copy of this book at Costco the other day and thought it looked marginally interesting. It’s historical military stuff, if you’re into it, you know what it is.

Thursday, December 3rd
@ 730pm
- Elayne Angel, uh person (I guess), will be talking about her book The Piercing Bible at Books, Inc. in the Castro. Why did I decide to let you know about this event? I don’t know, I’m still asking myself that question. Perhaps it’s because of this picture of Elayne Angel I found… you be the judge.

uh, those are tattoos not piercings...

I regrettably report to ya’ll that that’s all there is this week. It’s amazing isn’t it. In a period of several weeks a city can go from having a plethora of events to me having to let you know about a piercing book that is coming out and show you the picture of a woman, her tattoos and her crack. Oh well.

Update: My mother has confirmed that authors don’t really tour during December. Not really a huge surprise but I thought she is a credible enough source.

In honor of spending a good portion of the week in San Diego I’ve decided to add a special post for book events there this week. I’m also considering this a sort of a “dry run.” I’ve mentioned before that I wouldn’t mind expanding my horizons and showcasing more cities. So this is basically a test market if you will. Anyone out there that actually knows what a “test market” is, please feel free to let me know if I used the term incorrectly (actually, don’t, I could careless and I secretly know I’m right). Gobble gobble San Diego, show me what you got.

Well well well, unfortunately I seem to have found that San Diego, much like Los Angeles and San Francisco is lacking in book events this week. So… now I’m kind of concerned that this is may be the outlook for the rest of the year. I guess authors have families too and would rather spend the holiday season with them rather than with fans. If only ridiculously lame actors and other celebrities took the same cues. If I see another picture anywhere on the internet, tv or street of one of those goons from twilight (notice I don’t even italicize or quote it, cause I don’t really consider it literature but instead a pure money making venture) I will do something drastic. Not really sure what it will be, but it will be severe. And no, it’s not because I’m bitter that women who are my age or even older mollycoddle Pattinson and Lautner (no I did not know their names before looking them up on IMDB) attractive and may even deny that they are fans. I guess what I’m getting at is that I am pleading for authors to break the trend and take back the holiday season, eliminate the ridiculousness that is the love affair with actors and love for movies starring them by females aging from 6-40, you can take the men too but I admit it will be harder to eliminate their desire for violence in film, especially during the holiday season when they may be fed up with family. Authors, this is your calling, take back what is yours, the mind of the American!!

Sure that was a rant that stemmed from nothing, what it really boils down to is that I am just tired of all the attention no talent ass clowns get when there are truly talented people out there that get no love.

Ps. This is my 100th post, I’m pretty proud that I’ve stuck it out. I’m not asking for you to be, but I’ve got that “I’ve accomplished something” feeling running through my bones this morning.

Los Angeles, in honor of Thanksgiving I will be flying over you and driving North from San Diego towards your sprawling metropolis but stopping about an hour short. Sorry, it just wasn’t meant to be. I also want to confess that I am slowly trying to convince all of my friends who live within your county to come up for a “visit” whereby they will like SF so much they will just decide to move here. Yep, that’s how it goes. Anyways, happy turkey day and enjoy your events.

What the hell?? Are you trying to tell me that book stores and authors get lazy around this time and don’t like to peddle their books!! Sorry folks, ain’t much happenin’. Guess you’re going to have settle for some ridiculous holiday movie, you know the one where some middle to old aged men go on some ridiculous adventure and make the alter cockers  in the audience (yep, thats Yiddish) laugh.

Or you could go harass my friend Sean who lives somewhere within your community and ask him for his autograph. He makes cartoons and stuff and is pretty cool. Or you could go find Chris and ask him to make you a map. Then there is Rusty, Amit and Karl (occasionally a resident of LA) and request their help in developing a super secret project. Although Rusty is all about law and not projects/websites (unless their of a certain sort). Or how about my sister Lor, she can help you find a good book at the library. Don’t forget Josh, my brother, you can go on a run, bike or swim with him or watch his dog Charlie while he’s out doing those things. If you are unfamiliar with GenArt I recommend you reach out to my sister-in-law Elizabeth and she’ll explain it. Hit up Richie if you want to harass a kiwi. And then there’s Melissa, she’s a USC fan so if you don’t feel like harassing a kiwi you can harass a fan of USC, it’s pretty fun, I promise (I tease, I tease). Yep, I’m sure I’ve forgotten many of you but seriously don’t take offense, be greatful that no one will now be trying to find you.

It seems as though I start working on my “Events” posts earlier and earlier each week. I’m not going to tell you what day it is today (or was) cause it really doesn’t make a difference to you. I mean, for me it does, it basically means that if I can find all the events I want and write down everything I’m thinking I can use my Sunday exclusively for reading/football/recovery. Or in the case of this weekend a hip hop dance show (yes, it’s true). Actually, by the time you’ll have read this that will all be in the past, and no that didn’t actually end up happening. Ok, so this week is Thanksgiving week. I really don’t have high hopes that there will be many events going on. I mean, it seems like everyone basically checks out on Wednesday midday and checks back in the following Monday. At least that’s what I’ll be doing, except I’m not coming back until Tuesday! Yeah (think Lil John). I will be in San Diego from Thursday until Tuesday of next week visiting with my parents, and my sister and grandparents (on thanksgiving only). Alas, my brother is too cool and will be in the Hamptons (said in an arrogantly sophisticated way). At least I should be able to see some friends, eat some good food and relax/read a lot. Ok, here we go:

Umm, seriously, there is nothing going on. And no, i’m not being lazy, i’m serious. I guess everyone just wants to be lazy and trample each other on black friday while rushing to get into walmart or target or something. I on the other hand will gladly be watching all that madness on the news that day and ridiculing all those morons or I’ll be at the beach in San Diego where it will be warm and sunny while many of you are complaining cause its too cold out.