Valet Reader

Andromeda Klein by Frank Portman

Admittedly, I’ve never been to a psychic, had tarot cards read, palm read (ok maybe once by some girl in middle school) or been to a seance, but I have played with the Ouija board and put a quarter in one of those machines that tells you your fortune at carnivals before. After reading Andromeda Klein though, I kind of feel compelled to visit one of those 24 hour psychics in Chinatown, and no I’m not talking about the ones with “happy endings.”

I would like to lie to you and tell you that I didn’t have to use wikipedia to look up certain things from this book, but I did. Likewise, I’d like to lie to you again and tell you that I understood everything, but I didn’t. But, that’s ok, I learned some new things that I probably (had I not read this book) never would have known about. If you’re going to read this book though I highly recommend you use the “Lexicon” section at the end of the book which serves to define many of the things I had no clue about. Unfortunately for me, I only realized it was there once I finished reading the book.

Andromeda Klein is similar to many young teenagers except for the fact that she is hugely fascinated by the occult. Let’s see, Andromeda is shy, is seemingly self-conscious, skinny and has bad hair and skin, has an overbearing mother (who has mastered the art of texting) and a fanatical, conspiracy theory driven father. Her closest friend has died of cancer, her older ex-boyfriend still troubles her and she has quite a few self made tattoos. So, yeah, she’s like a lot of other teenagers out there.

Andromeda’s world is to say the least pretty wild. Mr. Portman transports you into her life and as a reader you start to feel as though Andromeda’s spells and rituals may actually be working or that the voice she hears in her head is actually there. Frank provides such in-depth detail into Andromeda’s life as well as the occult that you can’t help but start to believe a little yourself. There is plenty of comedy and humor throughout the book which I found to be mostly based on Andromeda’s hearing problems (where naked girl magazine is heard as  bagel worm agony), her absurd friends and her relationship with “the mom” and “the dad” that never grows old.

By the end of the novel you find yourself feeling sad and happy for the girl who is growing up flat chested, of which you are constantly reminded. She is an empowered young adult who, it would appear, has found a sense of self in what she enjoys yet has to struggle with everything that is going on in her young life. The ending was certainly not what I had anticipated (which is always nice) and leaves much to the readers imagination.

Being a punk rocker Frank has a song which he’s put out that is considered or titled the “Andromeda Klein Theme Song.” Check it out…

[gplayer href="http://valetreader.com/wp-content/uploads/audio/01 Andromeda Klein.mp3" ] Frank Portman – Andromeda Klein[/gplayer]
(and just so all of you music thieves out there know, I paid for the track!)

And lastly, after reading this book, I now have a much better understanding of why Frank was carrying around a rather large sword at the book release party.