Valet Reader

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

This is not the first Sedaris book I’ve read. Previously I tackled his newest “When You Engulf Yourself in Flames” and found it interesting and good but missing something (if only I knew what). A friend recommended that I read this particular Sedaris book as she thought it would make me laugh after reading some lackluster and depressing books of late.

I’m not quite sure how to approach a review of a book which is in essence a series of independent short stories so this review may be a bit longer than most. I think I will start by picking my favorites and going from there.

“Go Carolina” – haha, “Chump.”

“Genetic Engineering” – I can relate, I wanted to hear about my father’s day at the office or hospital at the dinner table just as much as young David wanted to listen to his father’s lengthy scientific explanations. You’re preaching to the choir here sir!

“You Can’t Kill the Rooster” – Ah to go through life with a twisted younger brother, I wonder what that would be like. One day maybe I’ll ask my older brother.

“Youth in Asia” – This story reminds of the time I came home from school and my dad told me our beloved cat Cosmo (after Kramer) had passed. As it turns out my dad was apparently lying on the bed and Cosmo, who enjoyed my parents waterbed, jumped up onto the bed took a sniff at my dad’s feet. Immediately after poor Cosmo fell off the bed dead before he touched the carpet (I liken this stench to one of those room clearing farts, I know you know the kind I’m talking about). I’ll admit it, I couldn’t stop laughing when he told me the story. I was rolling on the ground. And I had a hell of a good time calling my brother and sister and relaying the story to them. Only later did I also learn that my father, sentimentalist that he is, rather then bury Cosmo threw his corpse out in the trash. Pet stories always interest me, most likely because Cosmo and a few other nameless reptiles were the only pets I have ever had. Nevertheless, I got a good similar chuckle reading about Sedaris and his “pet burning.”

“The Learning Curve” – The last paragraph will make you laugh, I promise (I don’t do it often, promise that is so take it for what it’s worth). I wish that I could have taken a writing class from Mr. Sedaris, the academic and not the retired one, myself.

“Big Boy” – Turds are funny, no doubt about it. Men love the word “turd,” I wouldn’t have guessed that Sedaris would go this far but hey, he did, and I’m not complaining.

“City of Angels” – No city will ever be your own, come on David didn’t you already know that?
Of all the stories, so far, this one seems to be lacking the most. While mildly entertaining I found it to be relatively trite. Dude, everyone knows it’s not possible to make everyone happy and that it’s perfectly all right to say “F off” when someone is being difficult.

“A Shiner Like a Diamond” – Amy Sedaris sounds about as cool and independent as my sister. Although I can’t ever imagine my sister asking for a black-eye (she’s had her fair share) or wearing a fat suit just for the hell of it, but you never know.

“See You Again Yesterday” – Ah Mr. Sedaris how I don’t envy you at all for your French language learning experiences. I love learning languages and as you have mastered the most useless of French vocabulary I give you the utmost respect, but it’s still French.

“Me Talk Pretty One Day” – Ditto. Sedaris just climbed a few rungs on my ladder by incorporating random keyboard punches into his story, you know the “kdeynfulh” that you sometimes see on your annoying friends facebook status update. On another note, I think I will start incorporating the gentle sentence of “Every day spent with you is like having a cesarean section” into my daily conversations.

“Jesus Shaves” – Ahahahaha, awesome. Yes, a labor union for bells is a brilliant idea. “He nice, the Jesus” need I say more?

“The City of Light in the Dark” – There is no better way to see a city then though the darkness of a movie theater. What a load of shit. I’ve gone to foreign countries where travel companions only chose to eat MacDonald’s rather than try the local goulash. I nearly lost my cool, but just went and had the local flavor on my own in a dusky basement establishment where it was obvious I was the only non-native. Nothing brings me the flavor of home more than a cold Budweiser but seeing “Gigi” in Paris isn’t exactly what I’d call comfort food. Although, the next time I want to see a movie in peace and quiet (unlike here) I may travel to Paris to see what that’s actually like.

“I Pledge Allegiance to the Bag” – Meh, I’m not quite sure how you get from “ex-pat” to Jodie Foster carrying a bag of dog shit.

“Picka Pocketoni” – Nothing makes me smile more than when someone I’m near doesn’t realize I speak their language. Be it Spanish, Italian, some Hebrew and Mandarin Chinese. Trust me, I don’t look like I speak anything other than purebred White English. If anyone ever offends me now when they don’t think I know what they’re saying I can thank David and Amy Sedaris when I walk away from that individual and wish them luck on beating their impending rape charge.

All in all I have to thank my friend Kaitlyn for recommending this book to me. A good laugh is worth a lot and when all you’ve been reading are depressing fiction novels or dull scientific non-fiction baloney a nice break is always welcome.