Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk by Tony DuShane
Hmmmm. Yeah. Ummmmm. Okay. Really?
I’m kind of ashamed. Ashamed because while reading this book I learned about something that I honestly feel like I should have already known. I mean, I guess its not really fair to be down on myself for being unaware but it’s somewhat prevalent. Alright, get to the point already. So, I’m talking about the Watchtower Society otherwise known as Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was actually kind of bothered reading about how and what this group of people believe in (I’m not too worried about losing readers over this review, knowing full well that reading my blog would most certainly be forbidden by the elders regardless). On the brighter side of things, I did learn that I quite like Tony DuShane’s writing style and seeing as he’s a local (San Francisco) writer I will be keeping my eye out for more of his work.
While reading the book I began to wonder whether or not Mr. DuShane was at some point himself a Jehova’s Witness and whether or not this story was in fact a look at his younger life. Well, after reading the book I found out that Mr. DuShane was a Witness while growing up but eventually became “inactive.” As for this being a book about him, I’m not quite sure. I do know this, should Armageddon ever come Dushane will not be saved (according the society of course, in my book, he stays).
Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk is funny, intelligent and as I already pointed out rather insightful. A lot of young adult books out there use masturbation and puberty as central ideas in the story which makes sense, the male protagonists are typically always of that age. I wouldn’t exactly say that DuShane uses it as a tool differently but he does make it a rather large point of moral conflict for the main character, Gabe.
Gabe and his family are Jehova’s Witnesses, if you haven’t already figured it out. As an adolescent Gabe and his friends, also Witnesses, are coming to the age of experimentation. That age when all you want to do is rebel, drink, smoke and think about sex (I’m hoping that wasn’t only me). Well, once the idea of self-pleasure is introduced to Gabe he kind of starts to indulge. But, Jehova’s Witnesses, such as Gabe, are taught that masturbation is sinful, not exactly a sin that could lead to disfellowship, but one that can be redeemed only through prayer and personal effort (I felt kind of weird searching google for “Jehova’s Witness and Masturbation,” wouldn’t you?). The book does note that according to their faith “masturbation can lead to homosexuality,” which of course we all know is true (guffaw). Of course when you know something is “wrong” and you’re a teenager you’re more likely to think about it more, so what does Gabe do, he masturbates and gets all excited about the girls he’s interested in. As his interest peaks so do the repercussions laid on him by the church for his behavior, if only the elders in the story really knew what he was up to!
By the end of the story everything in Gabe’s life has changed. His friends are no longer the same people they once were, his family has cracked and he finds himself lost. It certainly demonstrates that force feeding adolescents with moral preoccupations or religious based zeal is just as likely to have consequences which are directly opposed to the idea espoused. I’m grateful it wasn’t shoved down my throat. I mean sure I went to hebrew school, Jewish summer camp, the whole shebang but never was I put in a position where I did not feel comfortable around my peers. Shit, I’m pretty sure we were covertly encouraged to sneak out of our cabins at night to fraternize with the females on the other side of camp. I get the feeling that if that sort of thing went down in the Watchtower Society the reprimands would be pretty aggressive.
I really did enjoy the way that DuShane educated me while at the same time made me feel good about the adolescence I had. I’m sure I took for granted the fact that my parents were pretty lenient (although my brother and sister put them through enough that by the time I was of age… I could get away with anything) and looking back on that I can’t tell you how grateful I am. I mean it was pretty funny/awesome when my dad drove up to the donut shop where I was busted by the police with several friends for drinking and tp’ing (toilet papering, for those of you who aren’t in the know) laughing his ass off at 3am. I believe that I was 14 at the time and unbeknown to most is the fact that the whole plan was mine, all put together so that I could make out with the preacher’s daughter who I was “going out with” at the time. Of course the preacher’s daughter was there after forbidden to ever see the evil Jew (me) again, but it was worth it. I guess the moral of the story is that I want all teenagers Jehova’s, Mormons, Christians, Muslims, Jews… to be able to do what they were meant to do, get arrested while grabbing a donut at 3am and have mom and pop laugh about it because it’s just a part of growing up.
I came across this great photo of Mr. DuShane that couldn’t really be framed any better. Photo credit: CaliberSF
Tony DuShane on Valencia Street
