Valet Reader

I doubt there is anyway for me to say this without sounding like an ass, so I’ll just go ahead and say it. When I was putting up all my notices of “Now Reading: Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned” on twitter, facebook and this blog I was little confused. I looked at the cover of the book and saw the title followed by “Wells Tower.” I thought to myself, “I know this is a book of short stories, perhaps Wells Towers is a group of editors or maybe a publisher, surely it’s not the name of the author.” Well, as luck would have it, of course Wells Tower is the authors name and here I am looking like an ass for thinking otherwise and even more of an ass for deciding to tell you this story. It is indeed a book of short stories, only they have all been written by Mr. Tower. I think I actually decided to tell you this so that you wouldn’t make the same mistake and make an ass of yourself. Wells is not only the author of this book but it turns out he is a highly respected journalist who has been published in The New Yorker, Harper’s Magazine and Mcsweeney’s amongst others.

Like I said this is a collection of short stories. What they’re about on a macro level is pretty much impossible to say due to how different each of them are. In true Valet fashion I will go ahead and give you a brief synopsis of each one without giving anything away.

I apologize if none of my synopsis make any sense. The book made very little sense to me and therefore that is reflected below.

The Brown Coast – One sorry bastard. Bob, the title character, may as well be a sea cucumber, poisonous, and likely to be banished or cast away from everyone else surrounding him. Damn, I hope I don’t turn out like that. Bob’s father has passed away and to put simply, his life has gone to shit. My synopsis doesn’t make much sense does it? Oh well, too bad. The story didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me so that’s what you get.

Retreat – I tried pretty hard to relate to this story. Two brothers, the older one successful the younger one not so much (clearly very similar to my story), yet there was something distinct about it that made it difficult to do so. I would have to say that it had to do with the fact that the younger brother, in the end, was always able to laugh at the rotten luck of his older sibling. You can probably infer from my inability to relate to this story that that is not the case between my brother and I. Poor bastard shot a leprous moose.

Executors of Important Energies – At this point in the collection I am trying to find a semblance between the stories. This is probably due to the nature of the male characters encountered thus far, each of whom is fairly pathetic in their own way. Similar to the first story, the lead character’s father in this tale has much to do with the problems incurred and the pain caused. Blah blah blah.

Down Through the Valley – A battle between an ex-lover and the current lover of a woman. When put in a car together, as a favor, things get ugly quickly and the two men square off. I’m pretty sure I’d square off in that scenario too but then again I don’t know if I’d put myself in that position in the first place. But in the end, neither of the fighters end up paying the price, a third guy does. I tell you, there is no justice in this world.

Leopard – Really not sure what this one is about at all. An adolescent who despises his step-father and then a leopard on the loose… kind of bizarre if you ask me.

Door in Your Eye – From the perspective of a wheelchair bound eighty three year old voyeur living with his daughter, Tower introduces us to a man obsessed with one of his new neighbors. The outcome of the story is not what is to be expected which made for a bit of a delight. If you can only imagine the look on his daughter’s face at the end of the story. Well, I guess you can’t really imagine it if you don’t have more context. Sorry.

Wild America – Ah, finally a female protagonist. I’m starting to see a recurring theme in the stories involving familial dynamic where the story revolves around two family members and a rivalry of sorts. In this particular story Jacey has to contend with her cousin Maya who is thinner and more confident than she is. Eventually Jacey ends up in a strangers car who promptly helps her forget about some sort of humiliation bestowed upon her by Maya. Unfortunately though she is quickly brought back down when she is delivered home and promptly embarrassed seeing her father on the lawn. All I have to say is that in this day in age, you’d have to pretty naive or deranged to get into a strangers car, and if the only consequence you have from this is embarrassment, then you should be grateful. Oh and I also really liked the descriptive nature of this sentence, “It looked like a half-cooked eraser with dreams of someday becoming a prostitute.” Anyone care to guess what Mr. Tower is describing here?

On The Show – So far, this was the most confusing of the stories for me (which is kind of saying a lot). There was just a bit too much going on for me. It could just be that my current mental capacity is somewhat lacking, but I doubt that. Unlike the other stories, this one only vaguely revolves around the family unit. Instead it’s more of a mystery, a whodunnit type of story. It was kind of creepy if ya ask me.

Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned – Of all the stories I think I’d have to say I liked this one the most. And that may have only been because there were swords and axes in it. Again, that’s not really saying too much. Unlike the other stories this one tells a tale about a viking who in his older days is second guessing his destiny of plundering. He does of course end up going on one last raid but due to his now reserved nature it does not turn out the way most of these things have in the past. I’m kind of tempted to call the guy a wimp and a coward but I can understand where he’s coming from. You know, family first.

Overall, I can’t quite figure out why this book was on so highly acclaimed and made so many 2009 best of lists. I understand that Wells Tower is a respected journalist and can also respect his use of prose and the English language to describe people, situations and sights but the stories were not fulfilling at all. I’m grateful that there were just short stories cause if any of them had been longer than they were, I really think we would have had even more of a disaster on our hands.