Valet Reader

Thoroughly entertaining, that’s how I’d describe this book. What’s not to be enjoyed about a fictional book that incorporates one of America’s greatest presidents and… vampires. I know what you’re thinking, “haven’t you berated the cliche of using vampires in some of your recent reviews?” Well, yes, I have. But this one stands out.

It’s been awhile since I’ve thought about Abraham Lincoln. It’s not as though his is a name that comes up in daily conversations or thoughts. I’m not saying that he shouldn’t, but seriously, when was the last time you thought about him? (If you’re a fourth grader learning presidents your excluded from answering this question.) I have to tell you though that having him brought back to me as a vampire hunting bad ass is pretty awesome.

Ironically enough just as I was finishing this book I found this video (and no, this video has nothing to do with this book, the “trailer” at the bottom of this post however does):

But back to the review.

Unfortunately I really don’t know enough about Lincoln to determine whether or not most of the un-vampire related stuff was accurate. If it is, there’s quite a bit to be learned about Lincoln and his family from this book, but given the idea behind the novel it’s hard not to approach it without some level of skepticism.

Of course none of the vampire scenes seemed the least bit real but they were fun. In fact the whole book was fun. The way in which it was written, by reading through Abe’s journal, was enjoyable. Sure the prose could have been more 19th century-ish (I imagine) but I’m glad it wasn’t. And the pictures, there are pictures in the book, were equally entertaining.

The story opens up with an introduction to Seth Grahame-Smith (the author) who, as a character in the novel, is a clerk at a five and dime. He visited upon by a mysterious character named Henry who leaves Mr. Grahame-Smith with 10 original volumes of Abraham Lincoln’s personal journals with instructions to pen them into a manuscript of his own. This same manuscript then takes the reader from the time when Abe was just a baby until he met his fate that night of April, 15th 1865 (exactly 145 years ago today).

To do this book justice in a review will be hard but I will do my best.

When Lincoln’s mother dies at the hands of a vampire he vows to hunt them all down. His journey of extermination beings by wielding an axe and going after the creatures with a vengeance. He is steered along this journey by man that goes by the name of Henry Sturges. Sturges provides Abe with vital information as to the where abouts of vampires and encourages the hunter to kill.

Ok, you know what, if you haven’t already gathered that this book is worth your time, I don’t know what more I can say to make you think that. Well… there is one other thing I can do.

In an effort to revert to my book review style of ore I’m going to give you the ValetReader rendition of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. Or, in my language, ValetReader, Book hunter.

The story is quite simple and believe it or not is quite similar to that of Seth Grahame-Smith’s. The tale begins when a young child (me) loses his mother to books (not really, her love for me was never questioned although I know she loves books too). The books took her from me at a young age and at that point in my life I vowed to hunt down every book I could and write a review of it. You see, very similar to Abe’s story.

Luckily, for the Valet, there was someone there throughout his adventure of hunting books to assist him in his pursuit (ok, not someone but a lot of people). These people would often and always recommend books to him that they foresaw as being a potential cause for his mother’s downfall. Going into battle wearing my glasses of reading doom (uh, I don’t actually wear glasses but bear with me) I battled at least several books a week. But, at this point, my battle and Abe’s take different paths. Where his was a battle to end slavery, cause it was a tool used by the vampires to harvest people, my battle was to just read (kind of boring I know) and there really was no end in sight or big, hoity toity moral reason for “destroying (reading)” all these books. Unlike Lincoln who is assassinated at Fords theater, the Valet, to this day continues his pursuit of those books which stole (not really) his mother from him.

And BOOM, that’s how it goes. Now go get this book and read it, not the Valet one but the Lincoln one, trust me, you’ll thank me later. And (yes, I am starting another sentence with “and”) the rights to the book have already been purchased and Tim Burton will most likely be producing it with Timur Bekmambetov of Wanted. Yeah, that was quick.

Anyways, not to make this post longer or anything (it is Abe’s birthday after all) here is the original trailer for the book which is highly entertaining and which I have already posted on my blog twice.